So you're doing really well at work, home, and your social life. Your attention to detail, memory, motivation, and productivity is "on fleek" as kids say nowadays when something is working out. You're motivated and you've been successfully following your routine for days, weeks, or months. Every day, you take your medication at roughly the same time and things have never been better. On a beautiful and sunny Friday morning, you wake up ready to tackle the day and follow that routine like there's no tomorrow. You take your pill as usual, and notice something off about the pill bottle. There's only 1 or 2 days left on this prescription and no remaining refills. You got so busy, you forgot to make a doctor's appointment or just flat out procrastinated doing it like we are known to do, and like I end up doing every single time. I seriously never learn. Brain chaos and panic ensue. You're thinking things like "I'm going to lose my job." "My house is going to become a disaster." "I have roommates and I'm going to forget to clean up after myself." "I'm going to run someone over." (Okay maybe that one is a little over the top but you get the point lol). The point is, you're terrified your life is going to fall apart all because you can't get an appointment for another week. So that's about 5 days without medication. It's 5 days you have to struggle through and survive through until you can feel like you again. It's 5 days of feeling like you're inferior to others working along side you.
STOP!!!!!
Take a deep breathe and say out loud "I can do this." "I can survive and I will make it through without my life falling apart." "I can do my job properly whatever it takes." 5 days off your medication may feel like an eternity but first of all, you need to accept that it will be a struggle and you need to do what it takes to make it less of a struggle. That's what this post is for. I am going to give you suggestions to boost the production of dopamine and help your hyperactive brain simmer the fuck down and function more effectively and efficiently. Second of all, this is the way your brain is wired and it is not your fault. You got busy and were focusing on how awesome your life is going (or not going) or whatever, and you forgot to book an appointment in time. Shit happens. Sometimes I can't even remember what year it is so you're not doing too badly. Third, there are things you can do to lessen the struggle until you get your meds. (By the way, I'm writing this while not on meds and because I can't get in for another 4-5 days to see the doctor because she's so popular lol)
So this is when what you consume absolutely affects your ADHD symptoms. It's time to load up on water, bananas, yoga, and the odd light roast coffee to get that surge of energy you're looking for.
Bananas are 100% brain boosting berries. Yes. You heard me correctly. Bananas are berries. Have one for breakfast along with a small coffee. You don't really want anything bigger than a small. You want just enough to wake up your brain and avoid the withdrawal symptoms of your meds. The word "withdrawal" scares a lot of people out of medication but it happens with any medication or medicine you've been on for awhile. Caffeine has a double edged sword unfortunately. If you have too much, you'll get the surge, but then you'll get the crash just as fast. Overheating, nausea, and brief dizziness can come with that crash. All you will want to do is sleep. That is my experience with too much coffee to treat ADHD. Have a big glass of water, some toast and peanut butter and a banana. Banana is key here. It ALWAYS works. As for toast and peanut butter, as long as you get lots of protein in the morning, you are doing it right. you see, people may read this and say "Well if that were the case, we wouldn't need meds." You are correct. The purpose is to get you through with less struggle until you get back on meds. You should always eat healthy though for the most part. Throughout the day, drink lots of water, and eat lots of potassium and protein.
What you do is also very important. YOGA!!! Do like 10-15 minutes of yoga in the morning or at night. It is very calming and you're getting your exercise which increases the oxygen in your bloodstream, so the production of dopamine increases. As well, you should find stimulation you enjoy. It activates the pleasure center of the brain and makes you feel motivated. This is my first day out of 5 with no meds and it's a struggle but I successfully (almost) remembered everything at work today.
Routine is more important than ever now!!!! You know that great routine that was so successful? You need to stick to that more than ever. Only add a few extra minutes to stop for a banana or protein to eat, and for yoga or a long walk.
All this also applies if you just forgot your pill for one day or temporarily misplaced them because we've all done that. lol. JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Make those lists, eat those bananas, stick to your routine, take it one hour at a time, or half hour and just focus on each task as they need to be done. You're amazing and are capable of anything you set your mind to!
xoxo
Your neighbourhood shiny!
Sunday 26 February 2017
Monday 26 December 2016
Sex, ADHD, and Infidelity
This topic is incredibly controversial, but if it has to do with sex, it’s like a shiny object that we are drawn to. This analogy doesn’t just apply to people with ADHD, but pretty much everyone. Sex really does sell. It’s juicy and gossipy, and reminds you of your libido and natural human desires. Sex is that thing that people love to hate (because it can be used as self-medication, revenge, a weapon, or spite), and hate to love (because it often leaves you wanting more, no matter how good it was that previous time or partner). It doesn’t matter how much you get, you will always want it again in the future. Sex is also the easiest thing to get. I’m sure there are more than enough “nice guys” out there who would disagree. That’s not really the point I’m trying to make though. Sex is easier to get than money, love, shelter, food, and so on. You don’t need any of those things to have sex.
I have read a ton of headlines reading “Does ADHD cause infidelity?” I absolutely HATE the way this is worded. I don’t care that the online magazine that published the article is an ADHD magazine. It is essentially clickbait and looking for hateful likes and comments, and attempting to start a facebook argument. Nothing ever causes anything. ADHD does not CAUSE cheating. However, I also don’t agree that it is 110% always a choice that people are conscious they are making. People will say that it is, but you know what else is a choice? Crossing the street without looking. It’s impulsive, thoughtless, and you’re likely to get hurt, and piss off a lot of people that you would do such a “stupid thing”. I have done a lot of thinking about this topic. People with ADHD are impulsive, lack confidence, and are often sexually hyperactive (especially when they’re unhappy with themselves at the moment). When someone gives them certain kinds of attention at a time when they’re feeling super needy, they’re more likely to reciprocate. Please remember, they’re not always aware of their neediness. This is where self-awareness comes into play. However, with lack of impulse control, it can make using self awareness much more difficult. Just a reminder, I am NOT excusing the behavior of cheating, but I am explaining how the lack of confidence, lack of impulse control, and sexual hyperactivity can play a role in their decision making. This is why open communication with your partner is such a crucial strategy to curbing your impulsive desires. While it may never be easy for them to hear, being open about your desires, and about what’s making you tick at the moment will save you and your partner a lot of heartbreak, and frustration. It doesn’t matter who you are, everyone on the planet somewhat enjoys it when they grab the attention of another attractive human. That is literally what makes you human. It is your subconscious saying “Make babies with that one.” LOL. However, people with full impulse control, can usually curb those desires and temptations. People with ADHD can, but at times, it can be difficult. Everything is a choice, even the tendencies we have to procrastinate,lose focus, forget things, lack of emotional control, and so on. Even being unfaithful. However, our decision making processes are a lot different from the neurotypical.
I will come right out and say, I have been the cheater. I have hurt the one that I love. I can say that just because I have done things I’m not proud of, doesn’t mean I don’t love my partner. I do with all my heart. The guilt almost killed me when I realized what I had done. I’m not going to go into details or even disclose how far I went because that is irrelevant. I will post below some of the strategies to curb those temptations and desires. It took a lot of courage and faith for him to continue loving me the way he does. It is something we have worked very hard to move on from. To those of you who read this, and decide to hate me, I get it. But it isn’t always what it seems. To those who read this and forgive me, I thank you. And I thank Alex who has forgiven me and has loved me so much and so hard, I couldn’t help but to start loving myself. Thanks for reading and I hope this helps those who struggle with relationships.
Strategies:
-OPEN COMMUNICATION is key. You need to keep telling them how you feel, what you need, and even what kind of sex you want.
-Make sure your partner knows how to make you feel wanted sexually, romantically, and so on.
-Are they fulfilling your fantasies? and often enough? Be open about that too! It makes a huge difference when someone is telling you they can fulfill your fantasies trying to tempt you. Can you think to yourself “Well, I’m already getting that, so I don’t feel like I need that from him/her”?
-MASTURBATION!!! If your partner is gone a lot with work or for whatever reason, and you’re tempted, masturbation will take care of that and you will be incredibly thankful you took this route.
– don’t try to suppress or deny the feelings you’re having because that will make them harder to resist and you will get more tempted. Say it out loud to yourself. But also be realistic about it. Ex: “I want to really fuck that person but I am in a relationship so it’s not going to happen.”
-And last but not least, if you’re unable to fulfill any of the above strategies, forcefully take your mind off of it until you can. Make yourself busy, exercise, go for a walk, etc.
**So many people completely deny ever looking at another human while they have a partner. It’s bullshit. If you’re human, you will be tempted, you will find someone else attractive, and you will occasionally get lusty wrong feelings for someone else. It doesn’t make you a cheater, or a sinner, or a bad person. It’s okay. I’ve been there and I have a story to tell. You’re not alone, and I understand the anxiety and guilt you feel when you do experience temptation. I truly hope that for the people who have experienced this and the follow up of undeniable guilt, the above strategies do help
AnneMarie
Thursday 8 December 2016
Self Awareness. What is it? And How Can I Get It?
Hello folks! Today, I'm doing a blog post about self awareness. Self awareness is having a very perceptive consciousness into what your mind and body are telling you. Your mind and body tell you things, and you're suppose to listen. It's actually the pinnacle of self preservation. Your mind and body say "We've had enough" and YOU LISTEN. haha. However, sometimes your mind and body can send confusing messages. These messages can include but are not limited to "You're not good enough", "you're a failure", "you're not hungry", or even "you are hungry" when you just ate. It is important that you don't listen to those messages as it can mess with your mental health well being, and your physical health. It is very important to be in tune with what your mind and body needs, especially as an ADHDer. It is pivotal to the strategies I give you if they're going to be effective.
Self Awareness begins with research into what is going on in your body when you're experiencing these ADHD challenges. If you know what is happening to your mind and body, and how all the little chemicals are working, it's easier to remind yourself that this is what's going on so I'm not going to panic. Just go with the flow honestly. If you can't focus on something, leave and come back to it after you've had a bit of time to think about it, or think about something completely different. Also, if you're aware of what is going on, then you can easily decide what strategy you're going to use to cope in that moment. So, I'm going to explain the biological process of ADHD and hopefully you will gain a little insight and it will help you become more self aware than you are right now.
Supplies you will need but likely already have: Oxygen, blood, a brain, dopamine transmitters, a synapse in the frontal lobes. I think those are all the supplies ;)
1) There is not enough oxygen getting to the frontal lobes of the brain through the blood stream.
2) This creates very slow production of dopamine transmitters
3) In turn, there is not enough dopamine created to efficiently move through the synapse.
4) The dopamine overcompensates for lack of itself and it becomes "hyperactive" to try and get those little messages across.
5) This is why we get so much anxiety. Our thoughts and little brain messages are being transmitted ineffectively fast.
When I was once trying to educate someone on being successful and overcoming challenges by learning everything they can about ADHD and doing lots of research, I was told "Well, if it were that easy....". Guess what? It IS that easy. But not everything that simple happens quickly. It took me years to learn everything. I went to seminars with Dr. Umesh Jain. I did projects on it at school, and so forth. When this clicks "Oh my god, so THAT'S why I do that, or think, or feel that way". You will then have become a lot more self aware than you were a few minutes ago. The strategy to become more self aware, is to learn everything you possibly can about ADHD and the challenges associated with it. That makes pinpointing what your mind and body is telling you much easier to do. It provides much clarity and it feels like a fog just dissipates. You will thank yourself for all your determination to overcome your challenges. It won't happen overnight, but self awareness is how I got to where I'm at today :) Have a great night everyone, and thanks for reading!
Signed,
Your Neighbourhood Shiny
Self Awareness begins with research into what is going on in your body when you're experiencing these ADHD challenges. If you know what is happening to your mind and body, and how all the little chemicals are working, it's easier to remind yourself that this is what's going on so I'm not going to panic. Just go with the flow honestly. If you can't focus on something, leave and come back to it after you've had a bit of time to think about it, or think about something completely different. Also, if you're aware of what is going on, then you can easily decide what strategy you're going to use to cope in that moment. So, I'm going to explain the biological process of ADHD and hopefully you will gain a little insight and it will help you become more self aware than you are right now.
Supplies you will need but likely already have: Oxygen, blood, a brain, dopamine transmitters, a synapse in the frontal lobes. I think those are all the supplies ;)
1) There is not enough oxygen getting to the frontal lobes of the brain through the blood stream.
2) This creates very slow production of dopamine transmitters
3) In turn, there is not enough dopamine created to efficiently move through the synapse.
4) The dopamine overcompensates for lack of itself and it becomes "hyperactive" to try and get those little messages across.
5) This is why we get so much anxiety. Our thoughts and little brain messages are being transmitted ineffectively fast.
When I was once trying to educate someone on being successful and overcoming challenges by learning everything they can about ADHD and doing lots of research, I was told "Well, if it were that easy....". Guess what? It IS that easy. But not everything that simple happens quickly. It took me years to learn everything. I went to seminars with Dr. Umesh Jain. I did projects on it at school, and so forth. When this clicks "Oh my god, so THAT'S why I do that, or think, or feel that way". You will then have become a lot more self aware than you were a few minutes ago. The strategy to become more self aware, is to learn everything you possibly can about ADHD and the challenges associated with it. That makes pinpointing what your mind and body is telling you much easier to do. It provides much clarity and it feels like a fog just dissipates. You will thank yourself for all your determination to overcome your challenges. It won't happen overnight, but self awareness is how I got to where I'm at today :) Have a great night everyone, and thanks for reading!
Signed,
Your Neighbourhood Shiny
Tuesday 6 December 2016
My Non-verbal Learning Disability and the strategies I used to overcome and cope with it
Person 1: "I love shopping at Dynamite."
Persons 2: "Yeah me too, but sometimes they don't have everything I'm looking for."
Person 1: "Yeah, when that happens, I usually go to Garage Clothing as a plan B for shopping."
Person 3: "I had scrambled eggs for breakfast and they were delicious! You must be super rich to shop at Dynamite!!"
Person 1 and 2: *Confused stares and side glances*
...Is it something I said?
Okay folks. I want you to guess which one has the non-verbal learning Disability. It's pretty obvious that Person 3 is a little different from person 1 and 2. Let's try something else...
Person 1 and 2: Laughing about something
Person 3: Approaches person 1 and 2.
Person 1 and 2: Looks up to see who is approaching and goes back to laughing right after.
Person 3: "Do you have some kind of problem with me?"
Person 1 and 2: "What?"
How about now? A little more subtle but still pretty obvious that something is different about the way Person 3 is interpreting those non verbal signals and the laughter. It left Person 1 and 2 very confused and put off by Person 3's abruptness and assumptions that the laughter had to do with her/him. This was me all through school and into my young adult life. I would try to insert myself into conversations and not really know what to say, so I said whatever I could think of, even if it wasn't appropriate. Of course, I was unaware of how inappropriate it could be at times. The comment about someone being obviously rich would be very off putting to people and make them feel uncomfortable around me. People couldn't laugh at a joke without me thinking it was about me. This isn't selfish. It's just the way I interpreted social situations. Also, I was so use to people bullying me and laughing at my expense, that it wouldn't have surprised me. You could see that I was trying to fit in but having no clue how to be a relateable social butterfly like I am today. It would happen at family functions, school, work, social events, etc. Everywhere I went. It got to the point where I was extremely self conscious about doing anything social, or even speaking. I did a video on this in my ADHD facebook group. One of the biggest things that helped me improve my social skills was hanging out with people who encourage me to embrace my real personality. That's key to not only improving your social skills as you learn how to be relateable but without the shame of feeling like you're not wanted around.
Another thing is to improve your conversation skills. While anyone can be affected by an NVLD, it is mostly children that feel the full impact and the negative effects it has because they're developing and trying so hard to fit in at school. As a child, they begin to notice that they're different and have a harder time making friends as they're not developing socially the way the neurotypical child does. If you have a child with an NVLD, the first thing is to teach them to bridge conversations. I'll give you an example.
Person 1: "I'm going shopping for this awesome looking skirt at dynamite."
Person 2: "Yeah there's a pair of jeans that I'm looking at and they're on sale at Garage."
Person 3 (your child): "I love dynamite but find it can be expensive."
Person 1 or 2: "That's why I'm always on the lookout for sales and deals."
See what I did there? I took the above conversation and turned it around so your child is being relateable and sensitive about how they're going about inserting themselves into conversations. This does take a lot of work and practice to start doing naturally, but it is possible. At the end of the conversation, Person 1 and/or 2 are giving positive feedback via continuous conversation. There are no uncomfortable looks or glances. You are now having a conversation and the people you're speaking to are now finding they can relate to you and talk to you.
The next strategy is to make it about them. If you're feeling there's a possibility you could end up feeling left out of a conversation or social gathering or event, make it about them. Make it about the other person, because naturally, people love talking about themselves, and they'll love you if you take an interest in them. It's a sure way to insert yourself into the conversation and make a new friend. I'll give you another example.
Person 1: Starts talking to Person 2 about old memories or about something they did together.
Person 3: Starts feeling a little tense as they don't have those memories to relate with.
Person 3: "So Person 1, did you grow up around here?"
Person 1: "Yeah, just down the road from here, but I spend most of my time in this other area."
WAH-LA!!! Believe it or not, having someone talking about themselves will 99.9% of the time ensure you're now successfully apart of the conversation and might even have a couple new friends, or friends that you feel a little closer with. You also put time and energy into getting to know Person 1 better and they really feel like you've taken an interest in them without crossing lines or boundaries. :)
And the last strategy that I'm going to offer you today, if the beauty of effective listening. This one is especially difficult for people with ADHD and/or NVLD. If you stop and really listen to what the person is saying, it's easier to pick up on things that aren't being said. Such as emotions, facial experessions, etc. It's much easier to show empathy when you can see that they're feeling something. It's also much easier to relate when you listen and learn what's going on in that moment.
I hope you enjoy this post. I truly believe this will help you and your child become more successful in social circles. I practiced all of these strategies and I have a few really close friends and others that enjoy having me around because socializing is a give and take phenomenon. The more you give, the more positive feedback you will get in return and your confidence will begin to grow as will your social life!
Signed,
Your neighbourhood Shiny
Persons 2: "Yeah me too, but sometimes they don't have everything I'm looking for."
Person 1: "Yeah, when that happens, I usually go to Garage Clothing as a plan B for shopping."
Person 3: "I had scrambled eggs for breakfast and they were delicious! You must be super rich to shop at Dynamite!!"
Person 1 and 2: *Confused stares and side glances*
...Is it something I said?
Okay folks. I want you to guess which one has the non-verbal learning Disability. It's pretty obvious that Person 3 is a little different from person 1 and 2. Let's try something else...
Person 1 and 2: Laughing about something
Person 3: Approaches person 1 and 2.
Person 1 and 2: Looks up to see who is approaching and goes back to laughing right after.
Person 3: "Do you have some kind of problem with me?"
Person 1 and 2: "What?"
How about now? A little more subtle but still pretty obvious that something is different about the way Person 3 is interpreting those non verbal signals and the laughter. It left Person 1 and 2 very confused and put off by Person 3's abruptness and assumptions that the laughter had to do with her/him. This was me all through school and into my young adult life. I would try to insert myself into conversations and not really know what to say, so I said whatever I could think of, even if it wasn't appropriate. Of course, I was unaware of how inappropriate it could be at times. The comment about someone being obviously rich would be very off putting to people and make them feel uncomfortable around me. People couldn't laugh at a joke without me thinking it was about me. This isn't selfish. It's just the way I interpreted social situations. Also, I was so use to people bullying me and laughing at my expense, that it wouldn't have surprised me. You could see that I was trying to fit in but having no clue how to be a relateable social butterfly like I am today. It would happen at family functions, school, work, social events, etc. Everywhere I went. It got to the point where I was extremely self conscious about doing anything social, or even speaking. I did a video on this in my ADHD facebook group. One of the biggest things that helped me improve my social skills was hanging out with people who encourage me to embrace my real personality. That's key to not only improving your social skills as you learn how to be relateable but without the shame of feeling like you're not wanted around.
Another thing is to improve your conversation skills. While anyone can be affected by an NVLD, it is mostly children that feel the full impact and the negative effects it has because they're developing and trying so hard to fit in at school. As a child, they begin to notice that they're different and have a harder time making friends as they're not developing socially the way the neurotypical child does. If you have a child with an NVLD, the first thing is to teach them to bridge conversations. I'll give you an example.
Person 1: "I'm going shopping for this awesome looking skirt at dynamite."
Person 2: "Yeah there's a pair of jeans that I'm looking at and they're on sale at Garage."
Person 3 (your child): "I love dynamite but find it can be expensive."
Person 1 or 2: "That's why I'm always on the lookout for sales and deals."
See what I did there? I took the above conversation and turned it around so your child is being relateable and sensitive about how they're going about inserting themselves into conversations. This does take a lot of work and practice to start doing naturally, but it is possible. At the end of the conversation, Person 1 and/or 2 are giving positive feedback via continuous conversation. There are no uncomfortable looks or glances. You are now having a conversation and the people you're speaking to are now finding they can relate to you and talk to you.
The next strategy is to make it about them. If you're feeling there's a possibility you could end up feeling left out of a conversation or social gathering or event, make it about them. Make it about the other person, because naturally, people love talking about themselves, and they'll love you if you take an interest in them. It's a sure way to insert yourself into the conversation and make a new friend. I'll give you another example.
Person 1: Starts talking to Person 2 about old memories or about something they did together.
Person 3: Starts feeling a little tense as they don't have those memories to relate with.
Person 3: "So Person 1, did you grow up around here?"
Person 1: "Yeah, just down the road from here, but I spend most of my time in this other area."
WAH-LA!!! Believe it or not, having someone talking about themselves will 99.9% of the time ensure you're now successfully apart of the conversation and might even have a couple new friends, or friends that you feel a little closer with. You also put time and energy into getting to know Person 1 better and they really feel like you've taken an interest in them without crossing lines or boundaries. :)
And the last strategy that I'm going to offer you today, if the beauty of effective listening. This one is especially difficult for people with ADHD and/or NVLD. If you stop and really listen to what the person is saying, it's easier to pick up on things that aren't being said. Such as emotions, facial experessions, etc. It's much easier to show empathy when you can see that they're feeling something. It's also much easier to relate when you listen and learn what's going on in that moment.
I hope you enjoy this post. I truly believe this will help you and your child become more successful in social circles. I practiced all of these strategies and I have a few really close friends and others that enjoy having me around because socializing is a give and take phenomenon. The more you give, the more positive feedback you will get in return and your confidence will begin to grow as will your social life!
Signed,
Your neighbourhood Shiny
Saturday 3 December 2016
The Journey from Denier to ADHD Advocate
This post is to detail my long, difficult, and sometimes excruciating journey with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The story takes you from the time before I was diagnosed, through my denial of the mere existence of ADHD, right through to becoming an advocate for people with ADHD, learning disabilities, people who have been bullied, and have suffered mental health issues as a result of all those things. This is me, and this is my story.
From the time that I was about 3, my mother couldn't take me anywhere. I would have meltdowns that would be so severe, they could not possibly be explained by just typical tantrums that children have. She tried everything, from being patient right to traditional discipline. It seemed hopeless. Mom would often come home completely exhausted. She would break down in tears and have her own meltdowns. She was truly at wits end. When I was 5, Mom took me to a doctor named Dr. Umesh Jain and it was then that I was diagnosed with ADHD. The reason that I was not diagnosed sooner, is that my pediatrician wanted to wait until I was in school and exhibiting the typical symptoms that appear in young students before sending me to an Attention Deficit specialist. This is when I met the renown Dr. Umesh Jain. According to my parents (because I was way too young to remember exactly how all of this went down), he was an amazing specialist. Anyway, soon after, he moved to Toronto and I hadn't found another specialist who was just as good. So there goes the professional support system my parents were hoping for.
Right from the time I began school, I could not fit in socially, or academically. I was all over the place. As I write this, I'll admit, it's difficult to remember the exact details from elementary school. All I know, is that it was in grade 4 that things really started to get rough for me socially (And would remain that way until I finished high school). Now that I think about it, given how the development of social skills is suppose to play out in children, this is when my delays and challenges would start to present themselves, so it makes sense. However, that's another post for another time, when I write about the development of social skills. Okay, that was a tangent. So sorry lol. Back on track. I hung out with a girl named Holly in grade 4. From what I can remember, she promptly ended the friendship by randomly telling me to "Get to the back of the line" when I was walking with her and another friend one day. That's actually the last time we ever spoke. It was out of nowhere and incredibly hurtful.
Okay, so fast forward to my teen years. I was still not fitting in, and by now, I had learned of my non verbal learning disability that I denied the existence of, just like I had the ADHD. The bullying was terrible. "LOSER" "UGLY" "GO AWAY. NOBODY LIKES YOU" "LONER". Shall I go on? I didn't know how to make friends. I didn't know how to socialize. All I knew, was when someone gave me any kind of positive attention, I leaped at it so fast, I scared them away. I lost everyone who claimed to be my friend. What the hell is wrong with me? I would ask myself this question a million times a day. And that's an understatement. Into my late teens, I was beginning to exhibit lots of attention seeking behaviors. Sexual promiscuity to be one of them. And this continued into my early twenties. I needed and craved the attention of anyone who would give it. I had zero confidence, zero impulse control, and lots of hyperactivity to speak of. I was a complete disaster. And I couldn't keep friends or a relationship due to my tendency to lash out at everyone. I was frustrated, angry, and hurting constantly for affection. But yet "I don't have ADHD. My parents just wanted to drug me" was a phrase I played in my head and made very clear many times, and to the very people trying to support me.
When I was 22, I moved to the big city of Toronto. It was big, fast paced, and completely fabulous...For the first day, out of 9 months. I got a roommate, started looking for a job, and I was doing well for about a month. My roommate and I started arguing constantly,, and I started staying in my room all day because of my social anxiety. One night, we got into an argument that was very heated. I threatened her. I got arrested, but no criminal record thank goodness. I was homeless for about 2 weeks but found another apartment and moved in, only to experience craziness at the hands of those people. My Uncle sent me back to Halifax on the bus. My problems did not stop there. I was lashing out at everyone trying to support me and help me through the mess I was in. My sister and mother were especially targets because they were directly in the line of fire when shit hit the fan. (I will outline how the three of us got to be especially close even after this ordeal in the post I'll write about building relationships and communication). All I can say right now, is that I'm so lucky to have both of them in my life after everything I put them through.
Within 3 months, I had a good job, my own apartment, and I was working hard to turn things around. This is how I learned about resilience. Resilience is one of the most positive traits of ADHD and learning this is how I grew to accept myself as a shiny. Soon after all of this, I met the love of my life, and we are in a successful 4 year relationship, I have the job of my dreams as a disability support worker, and a lovely apartment with a nice car. Sometimes, experiencing your positive traits when you're most vulnerable can be life changing. Thank you so much for reading and I truly hope this inspires you to embrace your shininess and your positive traits. Don't deny yourself the right to accept yourself. Just as you are :) Thanks again for reading and have a SHINY DAY!!!
Signed,
Your neighbourhood Shiny
From the time that I was about 3, my mother couldn't take me anywhere. I would have meltdowns that would be so severe, they could not possibly be explained by just typical tantrums that children have. She tried everything, from being patient right to traditional discipline. It seemed hopeless. Mom would often come home completely exhausted. She would break down in tears and have her own meltdowns. She was truly at wits end. When I was 5, Mom took me to a doctor named Dr. Umesh Jain and it was then that I was diagnosed with ADHD. The reason that I was not diagnosed sooner, is that my pediatrician wanted to wait until I was in school and exhibiting the typical symptoms that appear in young students before sending me to an Attention Deficit specialist. This is when I met the renown Dr. Umesh Jain. According to my parents (because I was way too young to remember exactly how all of this went down), he was an amazing specialist. Anyway, soon after, he moved to Toronto and I hadn't found another specialist who was just as good. So there goes the professional support system my parents were hoping for.
Right from the time I began school, I could not fit in socially, or academically. I was all over the place. As I write this, I'll admit, it's difficult to remember the exact details from elementary school. All I know, is that it was in grade 4 that things really started to get rough for me socially (And would remain that way until I finished high school). Now that I think about it, given how the development of social skills is suppose to play out in children, this is when my delays and challenges would start to present themselves, so it makes sense. However, that's another post for another time, when I write about the development of social skills. Okay, that was a tangent. So sorry lol. Back on track. I hung out with a girl named Holly in grade 4. From what I can remember, she promptly ended the friendship by randomly telling me to "Get to the back of the line" when I was walking with her and another friend one day. That's actually the last time we ever spoke. It was out of nowhere and incredibly hurtful.
Okay, so fast forward to my teen years. I was still not fitting in, and by now, I had learned of my non verbal learning disability that I denied the existence of, just like I had the ADHD. The bullying was terrible. "LOSER" "UGLY" "GO AWAY. NOBODY LIKES YOU" "LONER". Shall I go on? I didn't know how to make friends. I didn't know how to socialize. All I knew, was when someone gave me any kind of positive attention, I leaped at it so fast, I scared them away. I lost everyone who claimed to be my friend. What the hell is wrong with me? I would ask myself this question a million times a day. And that's an understatement. Into my late teens, I was beginning to exhibit lots of attention seeking behaviors. Sexual promiscuity to be one of them. And this continued into my early twenties. I needed and craved the attention of anyone who would give it. I had zero confidence, zero impulse control, and lots of hyperactivity to speak of. I was a complete disaster. And I couldn't keep friends or a relationship due to my tendency to lash out at everyone. I was frustrated, angry, and hurting constantly for affection. But yet "I don't have ADHD. My parents just wanted to drug me" was a phrase I played in my head and made very clear many times, and to the very people trying to support me.
When I was 22, I moved to the big city of Toronto. It was big, fast paced, and completely fabulous...For the first day, out of 9 months. I got a roommate, started looking for a job, and I was doing well for about a month. My roommate and I started arguing constantly,, and I started staying in my room all day because of my social anxiety. One night, we got into an argument that was very heated. I threatened her. I got arrested, but no criminal record thank goodness. I was homeless for about 2 weeks but found another apartment and moved in, only to experience craziness at the hands of those people. My Uncle sent me back to Halifax on the bus. My problems did not stop there. I was lashing out at everyone trying to support me and help me through the mess I was in. My sister and mother were especially targets because they were directly in the line of fire when shit hit the fan. (I will outline how the three of us got to be especially close even after this ordeal in the post I'll write about building relationships and communication). All I can say right now, is that I'm so lucky to have both of them in my life after everything I put them through.
Within 3 months, I had a good job, my own apartment, and I was working hard to turn things around. This is how I learned about resilience. Resilience is one of the most positive traits of ADHD and learning this is how I grew to accept myself as a shiny. Soon after all of this, I met the love of my life, and we are in a successful 4 year relationship, I have the job of my dreams as a disability support worker, and a lovely apartment with a nice car. Sometimes, experiencing your positive traits when you're most vulnerable can be life changing. Thank you so much for reading and I truly hope this inspires you to embrace your shininess and your positive traits. Don't deny yourself the right to accept yourself. Just as you are :) Thanks again for reading and have a SHINY DAY!!!
Signed,
Your neighbourhood Shiny
Thursday 1 December 2016
I introduce you to me...
Good afternoon folks! I created this blog so I can get famous. Just kidding. Though, I do feel I am destined for fame and fortune someday 😆. But maybe not today. Today, I am going to tell you almost everything you need to know about me and what inspired me to start writing. Well truth is, I've been writing since I was a young child but now I feel my writing has a purpose. That purpose is to make you laugh, cry, and say "Damn, is she stalking me? Because that's basically my story in a nutshell." Even if it's not, I hope to help you gain a better understanding of your life with Attention Deficit, learning disabilities, and mental health issues. Anyway, this particular post is about me aside from my ADHD.
I am a 28 year old woman, born and raised in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Two years ago, I went to Nova Scotia Community College and took Community Disability Supports. As of today, I have been in the human services field for a year and a half. I love it. It is a really great job, but like I said, fame and fortune, while simultaneously helping people become more self aware, and gain a better understanding of their challenges associated with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
I have a great boyfriend of nearly 4 years (February is our 4 year anniversary) YAY!!, a really nice apartment, a car, a great circle of friends, and a wonderful relationship with most of my family. This is the part where I say "I have it made". I do admit, I am very successful. I have a great life, a good heart, and I don't want for anything. (Except fame and fortune, but hey, who doesn't? LOL).
I was inspired to write because I feel that I can use my talents, and the skills I have acquired over the years to motivate and inspire others when it feels like all hope is lost. I want to have my own business in public speaking about attention deficit, bullying, and mental health. Public speaking is a talent and confidence I have developed over the years. I use to leave the classroom in tears when doing class presentations.
You're probably wondering why I haven't really mentioned myself and ADHD or any of the issues I claim to speak about. Well, that's for my next post. I will tell my story of how I went from completely denying the existence of ADHD to not only accepting it, but using it and the superpowers it offers to become successful, and encouraging others to just keep swimming, and how they too, can be become wannabe millionaires. 😝 Just keep swimming folks!
Signed,
Your neighbourhood Shiny
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